Water For Elephants: Man Is More Atavistic Than Beast
December 9, 2024
Water for Elephants is the story of a horny young man’s quest for his first nut despite a quick succession of life-altering tragedies.
Author: Richard
Having spent his entire life feeling like an outsider, Richard has recently stopped trying to fit in and accepted that he is in fact an interloper in almost every situation in which he finds himself. To the average suburbanite, his habits bemuse, his interests bore, and his opinions repel. But you can read all about it here and decide for yourself.
Vampire Weeknd
November 4, 2024
I make no apologies.
Shake Shack Got Me Shook But In A Bad Way
October 27, 2024
Shake Shack was not what I expected, but did my expectations let me down, or did Shake Shack?
How To and NOT To Repair an Insta360 One X
October 22, 2024
I replaced the lenses in my Insta360 One X and it didn’t all go smoothly. I made this guide so you can learn from my mistakes.
Our Collective Memory Wiped Clean
October 11, 2024
Just four years ago this package of toilet paper could have fetched a premium online. Now it lies damaged and sullied in the gutter. How quickly we forget.
Just A Box Of Shit
September 23, 2024
Well, I guess you can just walk into the store and buy a box of shit now.
The Original Pizza Cookery Has Better “Tea” Than Service
August 5, 2024
Listening to a young woman’s lament regarding her struggle to conceive made me reflect on the role The Original Pizza Cookery played in my own journey into parenthood.
There Is No Spoon
July 25, 2024
I’m out for my nightly walk, and the last thing I need is a creepy little bald training monk jumping out of the bushes at me. I know he’s around here somewhere.
Mutant Blue Frog Has A Pompadour
July 19, 2024
No one is talking about this mutant blue frog’s pompadour, so I will. His name is The Big Hopper. It was either that or Buddy Polly-wog. It’s true that it has blue skin, but I want to know if anyone is working on a matching pair of suede shoes for him. He could wear them […]
That Can’t Be Right
June 27, 2024
I misread “Texas Prepares” as “Tax Preparers” and it made the headline so much more unsettling.
Please Leave Your Conversation At The Beep
May 6, 2024
How does a phone call between two people end up on my voicemail? Seriously, if you know, please tell me.
A Rorschach Test In Hotel Room Art
April 29, 2024
What do you see in this painting?
Togassholes
April 7, 2024
One of my biggest peeves is people crowding me at the check stand. It’s one of the things I thought COVID might permanently solve, but just like all of the other COVID related paradigm shifts, it came back.
The Astonishing But 100% True Story Of How A Rat Stole My AirPods
February 7, 2024
This is the incredible, but true, story about how a rat stole my AirPods, destroyed them, and then returned them to me.
Are We Absolutely Sure That Wasn’t The Big One?
January 16, 2024
The 1994 Northridge earthquake shook me to my core. For the first year and a half afterward I didn’t think I would ever recover from that morning. I’m not entirely sure I have.
Merry Christmas!🎄🎅🤶🎁
December 25, 2023
Kevin!
It Only Takes One
October 23, 2023
Sometimes I wonder if the internet’s democratization of everything is an entirely good thing.
Sangria Recipe To Salve The Soul This Fall
September 22, 2023
This sangria recipe will be a hit with all of your friends and family this fall.
Shit Jobs
September 6, 2023
I’ve done some bad jobs, but I’ve managed to avoid wet work so far.
Cabbage Soup Diet: My Life Changed In A Week
July 12, 2023
My friend Brian always says, when the student is ready, the teacher arrives. I’ve seen that quote play out in my life countless times, but never so much as when, on a whim, I decided to try my first diet.
Retro Dining Chairs – Like New In 6 Easy Steps
June 14, 2023
You can recover your old retro dining chairs yourself. It’s easy to do and it will save you money! Follow this tutorial to learn how.
I used the Porter Cable 4216 Dovetail Jig to cut sliding dovetails into a Jatoba to build a little shelf for a wall mount corkscrew.
We’re All Out Of Ideas
May 21, 2023
This is just unabashed, late-stage capitalism. We’ve run out of ideas, but we still got to service that debt! It might be excusable to import sand to someplace like Nebraska where beach sand might be scarce. But this jar of sand is for sale at Lowe’s, just 20 miles from the beach, where you can […]
Mankind is A Cruel Species
February 10, 2023
Not So Smart Water
December 29, 2022
I’ll never understand the selective laziness of the person who goes to the trouble to leave their house, buys a bottle of water, puts forth the effort to drill a hole in the cap of the bottle, and procures a bendy straw just to drink as much water as the bendy straw can reach. Then […]
My Evening With Gallagher
November 11, 2022
My Introduction To The Comedy Stylings of Mr. Leo Gallagher I guess I was about 14 the first time I saw Gallagher. My mom and I were visiting my brother in Colorado. The three of us and his girlfriend were sitting around the living room in their old, rundown, single-wide trailer when Gallagher’s “We Need […]
Long Live The King
September 8, 2022
The Competition is Fierce
December 30, 2021
Imagine four different people all deciding to list their piano for free at the same time.
Gluten-Free Wine List For Gluten-Free Wine Lovers
May 23, 2021
I know there is a lot of speculation that wine is generally gluten-free and safe for those afflicted with a sensitivity to wheat/gluten, but I’m not so sure. It should be safe being grapes, yeast, and sulfites, but it doesn’t always seem to be. Depending on who you ask, there are elements of the winemaking […]
How To Replace Mavic Air Arm: Easy DIY Guide
December 9, 2020
My DJI Mavic Air recently fell out of the sky quite unexpectedly. Its tumble to Earth left the left-rear motor smooshed and deformed and wouldn’t spin freely anymore. I didn’t even think to replace the whole arm on my Mavic Air initially. At first, I tried to see if I could simply replace the motor […]
Dentist Made Me Rawdog It, Now I Have COVID (probably)
December 2, 2020
“He was working on other patients”? My sister asked in shock and disbelief when Bonnie, my wife, told her that I had made an emergency visit to the dentist. Apparently, her dentist is such a germaphobe that he doesn’t even shake hands let alone see more than one patient at a time during this interminable […]
Book With An Old Broken Binding Gets New Life
October 27, 2020
I don’t know the history of this book or even how we came to own it. The only thing I know about the book is that Bonnie’s niece borrowed it once. Then the little tart returned it in this sorry state. It wasn’t in mint condition when she took it but for fucks sake… So […]
My Adoption Story Is Unusual – Reunited After 22 Years
August 16, 2020
August 19, 2000, was a Saturday, 3 days after my 22nd birthday. I was prone to think about my adoption story and the family I never knew around this time of year but I wasn’t thinking about it at all that night. No, that night I had other things on my mind. I was a […]
I’ve always enjoyed the grocery store ever since I was a little kid. Like all of the most important parts of our lives, the grocery store fades into the background like the soft music playing overhead, as you meander the aisles.
Pizza Bagel – How To Make The Absolute Best Ever!
May 20, 2020
It’s not uncommon for me to eat the same thing every day. For the past 2.5 years, I have eaten 3 fried eggs and 2 pieces of sourdough toast with strawberry preserves for breakfast seven days a week. What can I say? When I find something I like I stick with it. My daily pizza […]
How To Clean Grease Off Your Kitchen Ceiling
January 21, 2020
Prologue I made a video several years ago about cleaning grease and tobacco off a kitchen ceiling. The video demonstrated my process of cleaning a kitchen ceiling. It was not a tutorial about how to clean grease off your kitchen ceiling. But little did I know that the only thing that viewers of that video […]
How to Clean Vinyl Furniture Fast, Easy and Cheap
November 13, 2018
We made a video showing you how to clean vinyl furniture incase you learn better that way. In this post, we will teach you how to clean vinyl furniture the way the professionals do. It’s really easy and fast and it hardly costs anything at all. With this process, you can keep your vinyl furniture […]
A Birthday Haiku
August 16, 1978
A Birthday Haiku