This project is making me feel crazy. It’s neither normal nor healthy to spend as much time thinking about material stuff as I have the past few weeks, and I know that. It’s crazy, and that’s why I felt crazy today. This purge of my garage isn’t actually about the stuff, though. It’s about me shedding the person that I was. That I no longer am. The stuff is in the way of me completing my transformation. As long as it is there, it will keep me from becoming a new person.

I know that sounds crazy. This whole thing is crazy. What’s even crazier is that I don’t even think the guy who collected all of those tools, fasteners, and whatever else is out there was who I really was. I don’t think that was me. I think I was just living a life that I fell into.

I’ve never had enough money to hire people to do things, so I’ve always done everything myself. I’ve always fixed my own cars, repaired my own plumbing, hell, I even replaced my own roof, and totally by myself, too.

When I want something, I seldom ever buy it new. I’ve never owned a new TV, and I think there are only two pieces of furniture in my house that I purchased new. I often build what I need or customize and modify second-hand things. It’s been my way of life since I was a kid, purely out of necessity. It wasn’t something I chose for myself. It’s only now, in middle age, that I’m realizing that I don’t want this way of life. I never did.

For Instance

I absolutely hate working on cars. I always have. The first time I worked on a car, I changed the brakes on my 1987 GMC Suburban. I hated every second of that experience. Despite that, I continued to work on my own cars for the next 25 years. My feelings about automotive repair never improved. I hate working on cars so much – and this is 100% serious – when I see someone working on a car outside of their house, I always think to myself, with the deepest sense of genuine gratitude, I’m so glad that’s not me. No joke, I really do that. Sometimes, I even say it out loud. That’s how much I hate working on cars.

Self-reliance is very en vogue right now. I think it’s a bit silly, to pretend we don’t live in a society with other people, but I also believe it’s important to be able to handle your shit without being a burden to the people around you. At the same time, though, I wonder what else I could have done with the three months I spent reroofing my house. I wonder what else I could have done with all of those countless hours, whole weekends, that I spent working on cars.

Last year, I spent weeks trying to repair a pipe that broke in the slab in my bathroom. It took me weeks to chisel out the concrete, find the right pipe, and track down tools and supplies. In the end, I ended up tagging in a plumber anyway. My only regret is that I didn’t start there. He was worth way more than the $500 he charged me. What could I have done with all of the time and money I spent trying, in vain, to fix the pipe myself?

This Old Dog Can Still Learn

I’ve learned my lesson. I will take as much time as necessary to rid my life of all of the superfluous distractions that prevent me from focusing 100% of my attention on the things that I am good at and that I enjoy. Life is too short, especially at my age, to waste a single second doing shit that I’m not good at and don’t enjoy.