Life Archives

It’s The Simple Things

January 18, 2025

I’m not going to put things off anymore. I will probably continue to put people off, though.

A single tool box sitting on my workbench

Buying Other People’s Time Is A Priceless Investment

January 14, 2025

This garage purge had me feeling crazy today, but I’ve come to realize that was just the old me dying, so the new me can live. Btw, how clean does that workbench look?

2024, Good Riddance, You Won’t Be Missed!

December 31, 2024

This god-forsaken year of our lord, 2024, is finally over. Let us rejoice in it’s terminus as we look back one last time at this odious year.

The front exterior of The Original Pizza Cookery at The Thousand Oaks Inn in Thousand Oaks, CA

The Original Pizza Cookery Has Better “Tea” Than Service

August 5, 2024

Listening to a young woman’s lament regarding her struggle to conceive made me reflect on the role The Original Pizza Cookery played in my own journey into parenthood.

Three assholes walking to their car in togas

One of my biggest peeves is people crowding me at the check stand. It’s one of the things I thought COVID might permanently solve, but just like all of the other COVID related paradigm shifts, it came back.

Shilloutette of a rat holding a pair of AirPod out in front of it

The Astonishing But 100% True Story Of How A Rat Stole My AirPods

February 7, 2024

This is the incredible, but true, story about how a rat stole my AirPods, destroyed them, and then returned them to me.

A Damaged House With Debris Strewn About The Yard

Are We Absolutely Sure That Wasn’t The Big One?

January 16, 2024

The 1994 Northridge earthquake shook me to my core. For the first year and a half afterward I didn’t think I would ever recover from that morning. I’m not entirely sure I have.

My Evening With Gallagher

November 11, 2022

My Introduction To The Comedy Stylings of Mr. Leo Gallagher I guess I was about 14 the first time I saw Gallagher. My mom and I were visiting my brother in Colorado. The three of us and his girlfriend were sitting around the living room in their old, rundown, single-wide trailer when Gallagher’s “We Need […]

Dentist Made Me Rawdog It, Now I Have COVID (probably)

December 2, 2020

“He was working on other patients”? My sister asked in shock and disbelief when Bonnie, my wife, told her that I had made an emergency visit to the dentist. Apparently, her dentist is such a germaphobe that he doesn’t even shake hands let alone see more than one patient at a time during this interminable […]

Woman in a mask standing in front of a shopping cart in a grocery store holding to watermelons in front of her chest

Grocery Stores, Diets, and Routines: Ruminations of a New Middle-Aged Fat Guy

July 1, 2020

I’ve always enjoyed the grocery store ever since I was a little kid. Like all of the most important parts of our lives, the grocery store fades into the background like the soft music playing overhead, as you meander the aisles.