Corned Beef Hash Tacos For St. Patrick’s Day ☘️ 🌮
My Neighbor & St. Patrick’s Day
I used to have a neighbor whose favorite day of the year was St. Patrick’s Day. It also happened to be his younger brother’s birthday, and since he still lived at home with his parents (in his 40s), they always had a St. Patrick’s/Birth Day party at my neighbor’s house. I’m not sure if this needs to be said or if it’s evident, but they’re both alcoholics.
For 13 years, you could count on a party on the Saturday before St. Patrick’s if the day fell during the week or on St. Patrick’s Day if it was on a Friday or Saturday. Saturday night, I found out in 2018, was the great white buffalo of St. Patrick’s Days. A year in which St. Patrick’s Day fell on a Saturday was as rare and sacred an event as a new pope being selected or the successful birth of a baby panda.
I Guess I Get It
People work, so your celebration has to be tempered if St. Patrick’s Day falls on a weekday. There was more to it than that, though. You see, my neighbor and his wife had a modern millennial marriage where everything had to be equal. If he spent a dollar on himself, she had to spend a dollar on herself. If she went out with the girls one night, he was entitled to a boy’s night. I’m all for equity in a relationship, but what they did wasn’t that. It was tit for tat. If either of them were A-type, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an Excel spreadsheet to keep a running tally of what they each owed each other.
It wasn’t just spontaneous or random extravagances, either. They had a standing trade each week, too. Saturdays were his day to wake up with the kids, and Sundays were her day to wake up with them. That’s the other reason Saturday nights were so sacred. They were his. He could stay up as late as he wanted. Plus, St. Patrick’s Day had only fallen on a Saturday once or twice since he started drinking, so 2018 was a big deal. Knowing all of this helped me understand the tissy he was in as St. Patrick’s Day approached in 2018.
St. Patrick’s Day 2018: The Big Show
I’ve never seen anything like it before… from a grown-ass man. From a child the night before a trip to Disneyland, but not from a grown-ass man regarding St. Patrick’s Day. Especially from a grown-ass man who drank every day of the week anyway. St. Patrick’s Day shouldn’t be anything special to a drunk. It was, though.
He was so excited. He rented a bounce house for the kids, bought Guinness and Johnny Walker, hung shamrocks and leprechauns all over the house – and, I should probably mention, he started drinking at 10 a.m. – and then he blew his wad. He premature ejaculated all over his precious St. Patrick’s Day party. Sometime around 6 p.m., he passed the fuck out and didn’t wake up until the next day.
The next evening, he came over to my house and hung out by the fire in my backyard, lamenting that he had ruined his St. Patrick’s Day party and he would have to wait seven years until St. Patrick’s Day fell on a Saturday again. Knowing that there would be a leap year coming up in two years, I had to check to see when St Paddy’s Day would next fall on a Saturday. I knew it wouldn’t be seven years.
Try Again In 11 Years
I broke the news to him that St. Patrick’s Day wouldn’t fall on a Saturday again until 2029. Eleven years! He was crestfallen. Bonnie and I both thought it was hilarious. I think about him and that night every St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t really have any St. Patrick’s Day memories before he moved in across the street and we started hanging out. I just have one from my childhood, and to be honest, I’m not even sure it’s St. Patrick’s Day related. We read Green Eggs and Ham when I was in Pre-school or Kindergarten, and then we had a Green Eggs and Ham party where they added green food coloring to the scrambled eggs. I absolutely refused to eat the green eggs.
St. Patrick’s Day was just another day for me until I met my new neighbors. Both of Bonnie’s parents are of Welsh ancestry, so St. Patrick’s Day was never really a thing for her either. Her mom used to wear orange on St. Patrick’s Day to represent her Welsh ancestry, even though she’s never even left the country.
St. Patrick’s Day 2017: The Year I Invented Corned Beef Tacos
Bonnie likes to cook, though, so she started making corned beef and cabbage when we married. In March 2017, she and our neighbor’s wife were sitting in the kitchen discussing what each was going to cook for St. Patrick’s Day, as I walked past the kitchen. When I came back from the bedroom, they were talking about tacos, and I thought they were talking about making corned beef tacos, and I got really excited. They were not, but the idea was hatched, and on St. Patrick’s Day 2017, corned beef tacos were born. You’re welcome.
St. Patrick’s Day 2025: The Year I Invented Corned Beef Hash Tacos
Life has changed a lot around here since 2018. I haven’t heard from my neighbor since he sold his house in a drunken stupor and moved his family to Alafuckinbama. Bonnie can’t eat beef or chicken without getting sick, and the kids both do their own thing, so there’s no reason to make a big St. Patrick’s Day feast. Still, one has to eat, so I decided to keep the corned beef tacos tradition alive without the expense and hassle of cooking a corned beef.
I cooked up a can of Hormel corned beef hash, a head of cabbage, two carrots, and a yellow onion, and I put it all on corn tortillas – because they’re naturally gluten-free – and topped them with a bit of shredded Tillamook Sharp Cheddar Cheese.
Last week, I put a can of corned beef hash on my tacos just to try it because it’s cheaper than carnitas. I was somewhere between whelmed and underwhelmed with corned beef hash on my beans and cheese tacos. So, that’s where my expectations were today. About as low as they could be.
Oh, my fuck! Those tacos were so fucking good. I’ll tell you how I did it so you can try them for yourself and tell me if they really are as good as I think they were or if my low expectations made them better than they are.
Ingredients
Directions
- Heat olive oil on medium heat in a large pot. Make sure you have a lid for the pot that you use because you’re going to need it.
- Sautee chopped yellow onion for 5 minutes.
- Add minced garlic until fragrant.
- Add carrot slices and cook for a few minutes.
- Add chopped cabbage, season with salt and pepper, put lid on pot, and cook until cabbage is soft and wilted.
- In a skillet, heat olive oil on medium heat.
- Add a can of corned beef hash and cook for 5 minutes.
- Add 2 tablespoons of mustard and 1/2 tablespoon of brown sugar to the corned beef hash and stir thoroughly.
- If you have a gas range, toast your tortillas on an open flame. If you don’t have a gas range, figure out how to toast your tortillas.
- Put cabbage and carrots on each tortilla, followed by a scoop of corned beef hash. Finish with a bit of sharp cheddar cheese.
- Fill your gob.
