Tonight, I drove across town to buy a milkshake. I had no other purpose for leaving the house. I wanted dessert, and I didn’t want to get out of the car, so my choices were significantly narrowed. In-N-Out was pretty much it.

The guy standing in the parking lot taking orders as all of us fatties drove past him told me that if I had gone inside, they would have given me my shake immediately. He spoke as though I were new to the In-N-Out experience, not someone so versed in the In-N-Out process that I went out of my way to go there just for a chocolate shake. Besides, what was I going to do with that information at that point when I was seven cars deep in the drive-through line?

So, I waited in my car for longer than necessary for something that was totally unnecessary. This is who I am now. Just a little more than a year ago, I was car-free, and I would be again if I could. As it is, I have a car, and so I break down and make bad, lazy decisions at least once a week. What can I say? Making bad decisions is the American way.