I didn’t sleep well last night. My thumb was throbbing, and I couldn’t find a position to calm it down. So, I’m tired, I’m cold, I’m in a funk, and I didn’t do much today. I cooked dinner, though. I made Asian Stir Fry Noodles.

It’s a great dish to make on cold, rainy nights because it’s hot and spicy. I always make a gluten-free batch for myself and a glutened batch for Bonnie. That means that I boil two pots of water and fry two batches of vegetables, which heats up the kitchen quite nicely. I made this dish once last July and just about died; it was so hot in the kitchen I swore I would never do that again. That’s fine; reserving it for Winter and Spring makes it special.

It’s A Trap!

I went out last night to get Bonnie chips and ended up doing a whole ass shopping trip. Knowing the weather was going to turn to shit for the rest of the week, I thought my Asian Stir Fry Noodles would hit the spot one night. When I was checking out, the cashier, Taylor, and the customer ahead of me in line were having a discussion about age. I didn’t catch the whole thing, but I started listening when Taylor asked the customer how old she thought she was. Now, I’m a terrible judge of age – Bonnie’s always busting my balls about it – but even I can tell that Taylor is in her 20s. So, when this woman guessed 38, I gasped. 😬 I wasn’t sure I heard her right. When she left, and it was my turn to check out, I confirmed with Taylor that the woman had, in fact, thought she was 38. Taylor is 22, by the way. That’s fuckin brutal.

What Happened to Service?

I had to go back to the store this afternoon to get Bonnie’s Asian Stir Fry Noodles because I forgot them when I was there last night. This afternoon, the store was crowded, and the cashiers were moving like someone switched them to .25 speed. The cashier I picked answered the phone while he was in the middle of ringing up the woman ahead of me, and the whole transaction came to a screeching halt. He fumbled with a sack of flour with one hand while he was talking to the person on the other end of the line, but without 100% of his attention devoted to the task, he simply couldn’t scan it. He put the person on hold, and then he paged the manager. A hobo walking past the checkstand informed him that the manager wasn’t in the store. Apparently, the hobo was an employee. I had no idea.

When I finally got out of the store, I walked out to the car, but I couldn’t get in because the hobo was parked next to me. He had his door open while he stood between our cars inspecting a bag of cans to, I assume, check for leaks before putting the bag on his backseat. When he saw me standing there waiting for him to move out of my way, he hastily shoved the bag into the car, got in, and closed the door. I don’t know if he was satisfied with the bag’s permeability, but judging by the condition of the car, I can’t see what difference it would make either way.

All Right, Let’s Get To This Asian Stir Fry Noodles Recipe Already

Serving Size:

4

Time:

30 Minutes

Difficulty:

Easy

Ingredients

• 1 Box Of Gluten-Free Fetucine
• 1 Tbsp Olive Oil
• 1/2 Tbsp Minced Ginger
• 4 Minced Garlic Cloves
• 8 oz. Mushrooms
• 1 Large Carrot, Grated
• 1 Red Bell Pepper, Sliced
• 1 Medium Zucchini, Sliced
• 3/4 Tsp. Onion Powder
• 1/2 Tsp. Smoked Paprika
• Pinch of Salt
• Pinch of Black Pepper
• Green Onion Garnish

Sauce

• 2/3 Cup Veggie Broth
• 4 Tbsp. Tamari
• 2 Tbsp. Rice Vinegar
• 2 Tbsp. Maple Syrup
• 1 Tbsp. Cornstarch
• Red Pepper Flakes

Directions

1. I’m not the most proficient at timing, so I prep all of my veggies before I do anything else. Well, that’s not true. I start boiling the water for the noodles, and then I prep the veggies.
2. Barilla Gluten-Free Fettucine takes 13-14 minutes to cook, so once the pasta has been in the water for about 4 minutes, I toss the garlic and ginger into hot oil in the wok. It will pop and splash hot oil all over, so be careful.
3. Once the garlic is fragrant and starting to brown, I add the veggies and spices. While all that is cooking, I make the sauce but stir the veggies periodically, too.
4. For the sauce, I combine all of the ingredients except for the cornstarch and red pepper flakes because if you add the cornstarch too soon, it settles to the bottom in a big clump, so I wait until just before I pour it into the wok.
5. When the veggies have been cooking for about 5 minutes, I add the cornstarch and red pepper flakes to the sauce, mix it up, and pour it into the wok. I let it cook until it starts to simmer, which is about when the pasta is finished.
6. I dump the pasta water and add the pasta to the wok. I mix everything up so the pasta gets coated with the sauce.
7. Then, it’s time to put it in a bowl and garnish it with green onion.
8. Enjoy!