My neighbors moved in across the street 2.5 years ago, and they’ve been a huge, inconsiderate pain in the ass since day one. I don’t know how many people live in the house, but they have about a dozen cars. That’s not hyperbole or exaggeration.

Most of the cars are unnecessarily and obnoxiously loud. They’re little Japanese imports with modified exhaust systems, and their drivers are constantly working on them. They park on the street outside my living room window, drag a floor jack across the street and spend all of their free time doing god knows what to their shitty fucking money pits.

I don’t know why they can’t repair their cars on the side of their own house, but they seem to prefer the side of mine. Yesterday, they were spray painting a car out there. I went out back in the early evening to take a phone call, and while I was sitting there, I was overwhelmed with paint fumes.

When they were done, I looked over the wall and saw that they had poured water on the ground in some futile attempt to wash away the paint that had sprayed over onto the street as though water would have any effect on acetone. Whatever, I was just happy that they were done, and I could enjoy my backyard in peace.

Today, however, as we drove past the side of our house on our way home, Bonnie noticed two visors hanging from the tree on the side of our house.

They took the visors out of the car and hung them from the tree to paint them. Not only did they trespass onto my property, but they snapped two branches off my tree to be able to hang their visors.

There was a spent roll of tape in the gutter, bits of rubber glove all over the street, sidewalk, and parkway, and paint all over the asphalt.

This is 2025. Suburban neighborhoods are not a new concept; they’ve been around longer than most people living on the planet have been. We’re long past the point of having to explain to people how to behave in a neighborhood. I shouldn’t have to tell my neighbors not to leave their dog outside to bark all fucking day. I shouldn’t have to tell my neighbors that pressure washing their driveway at 9 p.m. on a Tuesday, is inconsiderate. And I really shouldn’t have to tell my neighbors not to come onto my property and damage it to use it as their own personal spray booth, but here we are!

I don’t know what to do about them. For the moment, I confiscated their visors. Initially, I threw them in the trash, before I thought better of it. So, I dug them out of the trash, wrote messages on the mirror of each one, and hung them back up.

But then, I thought better of that. I decided that taking them would be a better lesson than written threats, so, I went back out and took them off the tree again. I’m toying with the idea of returning them as a box of confetti, but that seems like a lot of effort.

Someone has to teach these cunts a lesson, though. I’m just not sure they’re capable of learning. After 18 years of feuding with my next door neighbor, I don’t relish the thought of starting all over again, but I will. I fought that bitch until she sold her house and moved to shit-ass Texas, so if these fuckers want to throw down the gaunlet with me, I’m ready.