Bonnie loves strawberries, and she loves gardening, so when I saw strawberry plants for sale at the farmer’s market, I knew I had to buy one for her. I looked around the table until I found the perfect one, and then I got the vendor’s attention. He was talking to two other men, and they were all speaking Spanish, so I pointed to the plant I wanted and said, “¿Cuanto?”

The man replied, “Siete.”

Fuck, I thought. He called my bluff. Normally, when I’m at a garage sale or the flea market, and I say, “¿Cuanto?” the vendor will reply in English. It’s very convenient for me as someone whose Spanish is rudimentary at best, certainly not conversational. Having spent my whole life in Southern California, I’ve picked up a small Spanish vocabulary, but I’m nothing even close to fluent. I can’t hold my own in a conversation, so I was completely thrown off guard by his “Siete.”

I knew siete was one of the numbers between 1 and 10, and, more specifically, it was one of the numbers between 5 and 10, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember which number it was. It didn’t automatically translate the way 1 – 4 would have. To make matters worse, he didn’t stop at Siete; he was offering a volume deal as well. I didn’t catch what he said, but I think it was 3 for $15 or maybe 3 for $20. I’m not sure because I was scrambling in my head to try to figure out how much he wanted for just one of the plants.

I stood there for a moment, pretending to contemplate the deal, but really, I was counting with my fingertips on my left leg, the leg opposite the vendor so that no one could see. Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco, seis, siete, seven! Seven dollars! He wants $7 for the plant! Okay, I pulled it off. No one suspects a thing.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out seven one-dollar bills. I fanned them out so that each one was clearly visible and showed the man. “¿Siete?” I said. “Si,” he said, but he said it like, Yeah, dumbass, that’s what I said. What the fuck is wrong with you? Then, he took the cash and said, “Gracias.” I picked up my plant and said, “Gracias,” before anyone could say anything else that might reveal that I am, in fact, a monoglot.

I can see how complete immersion could be extraordinarily effective for learning a new language, but I think I’ll refrain from practicing my Spanish in situations where money is involved, at least until I can count higher than 10.