No sarcasm in that title, I promise you. Today was fucking weird. It started off normally enough. I wanted to finish the video I’ve been working on all week, but I also wanted to start listing the stuff in the garage on Craigslist because it’s going to be warm this weekend and warm weather flushes the… I mean brings out the buyers. Once I had shit listed, I figured I could work on the video. The whole sales thing becomes rather passive until I get a call about an item.

The Piglet

So, I went to work on the video, and a few hours later, I got my first text. They were “interested” in the bandsaw. It could tell immediately that it was a scammer because he was texting me from an email address, but I played along. Our exchange went as follows:

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
16″ Lobo Bandsaw. $250
Still available

Me:
It’s available

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
I believe it’s in a great condition?

Me:
It is

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
I’m okay with the price, I’m under medication and I’m not allowed to move around, please let me know if you accept a check payment?
And we’ll wait till it clears the bank before the pick up will take place, please let me know if this works for you?

Me:
A check? Are you calling from 1985? When you get back to 2025 give me a call and we’ll talk. Maybe by then you’ll be off your meds, able to move around and in a condition to operate a bandsaw.

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
Your a bastard

Me:
*you’re

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
You stupid piglet
Bastard dummy

Bonnie thought “Bastard dummy” was really funny. The scammers usually pounce on new listings, so hopefully I’ve cleared them all out, now.

The Pig

This afternoon, Bonnie’s mom – who is, incidentally, the most disgusting person I know – poured olive oil into the tray beneath the water dispenser in the refrigerator. Don’t worry, there’s video so you can see exactly what I mean. She wasn’t even at the fridge, she was on the other side of the kitchen making a sandwich when she suddenly decided that she needed to oil the fridge. She has the piece of bread in her hand the whole time. I let most of the weird and disgusting shit she does fly because it’s not worth the fight and it won’t change anything. I couldn’t let this one slide, though, I had to know what she was up to. So, I went into the kitchen and asked her why she poured olive oil in the fridge.

She thought the olive oil was vinegar, and vinegar will break up the lime scale. She told me this as if I know nothing about cleaning chemistry. I walked over to the sink to wash my bowl, and she pulled the napkin that I had just thrown away, out of the trash and used it to sop up the oil she poured all over the fridge. This is the shit that nobody sees. This is the shit that nobody understands. It’s like having a 250-pound toddler that is totally incapable of learning anything.

People will say that I’m unreasonable because she’s old and her brain is rotting, but she’s always been like this. She used to use a broom to sweep the carpet instead of using the Kirby vacuum that she paid $1,200 for. One day, I walked past the living room and saw her sweeping the carpet – the same carpet that my kids play on – and I lost it. It wasn’t just that she was sweeping the carpet, but that she had gone out to the garage and got the broom that I had just used a few hours earlier to sweep up rat shit in the shed out back. This was twenty years ago. She’s always been like this.

The Prestige

After the whole olive oil incident, I thought it would be nice to get out of the house for a bit. It was a beautiful day if not a little chilly. As I was walking along the arroyo, I heard a scuffle in the water. Two birds were entangled in either love or war, I couldn’t tell which. I watched them until the fight came to an abrupt end, but I couldn’t believe what I had just seen. One of the birds disappeared. It just vanished. I have no idea where it went. I went back and watched and rewatched the video over and over again, and I can’t see where the bird went.

So, yeah, it was a weird fucking day. I suppose it makes up for yesterday’s lack of anything interesting.