Google owes me $9 for the box of King Arthur Gluten-Free Ultimate Fudge Brownie Mix that their stupid AI caused me to ruin. I stopped making brownies a few weeks back after I realized that the eggs in the brownies were making my sinuses congested. It was a bummer, but then I had the idea to substitute something for the eggs after I substituted Greek yogurt for eggs in another recipe, and it worked out very well.

I wanted to find the best substitute for eggs in brownies, so naturally, I turned to the internet. The first result was Google’s AI overview, which said I could sub in 1/4 cup of apple sauce for each egg. I happened to have little 1/2 cup containers of applesauce on hand, so that was the easiest solution. Aside from cooling down the butter and making the batter a little stiff at first, nothing seemed off with the applesauce.

It wasn’t until I checked my brownies when the timer went off after 40 minutes in the oven that I became concerned. They jiggled like quicksand when I pulled the rack out. My brownies were still liquid after 40 minutes! I put them back in for another ten minutes and then another ten minutes, but things were only getting worse. Now, instead of looking like quicksand, the batter had fallen like a souffle, and all of the water from the applesauce was boiling on the surface. The brownies were oddly simultaneously raw and burnt.

So, no brownies for me tonight. Maybe never again. I can’t afford to experiment with $9 boxes of brownie mix. I guess I paid $9 to learn that you can’t trust AI. What would AI know about cooking anyway?