Now don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween and the whole holiday season as much as the next, normal, level-headed, non-holiday-zealot, but ever since COVID, this shit has gotten out of hand. It was fun in 2020 when life was upheaved and nothing mattered, so people started decorating for Halloween in September, but that was five years ago. It’s time to grow up, Peter Pan, Count Chocula.

A few years ago, I started seeing people decorating for Halloween in August. Stores this year started displaying their Halloween candy in the middle of August. Starbucks starts adding pumpkin to every fucking thing they sell in August. Target is selling Halloween decorations. That’s where Bonnie bought this cauldron today. It’s too fucking much.

It was 100º degrees today. I don’t want to think about pumpkins or Halloween, or anything to do with autumn in August, when it’s 100º outside, not to mention the fact that it’s Labor Day weekend! Whatever happened to letting one holiday have its day before we’re bombarded with the next?

So, please, for the love of fuck, can we hold off on Halloween at least until September 22? Please? I’m begging you. At the very least, can you wait until after Labor Day? It’s just too fucking hot to deal with this shit.