I pulled some weeds because that was an easy task to check off of my list, and then I went to charge the car and get something to eat. While I was sitting in my car, eating and thinking about what I could do for another hour, I felt transient. There was nothing at my house that interested me. Everything that interested me was back at the condo. I’ve been in situations like this before, where I’m killing time in another city, waiting for a train or whatever, and I have no connection to the city or anyone or anything in it. I have no place of my own. I’m just a transient. That’s how I felt even though I had a house I could have gone to.

It was an ugly feeling. I started to imagine how actual transient and homeless people must feel daily, and it made me appreciate the stability that I have in my life. I’ve lived in the same house for more than 20 years, and that has been a great advantage both during hard times and good. I’m sure a case could be made for having left this house over the years in search of better opportunities, and perhaps Bonnie and I are both pussies for not taking more risks and being more adventurous, but I think staying put all these years was probably the right move.

One of the benefits of living in the same place for almost half your life is the predictability that comes with the familiarity of your surroundings. I know what the weather will be like any given week throughout the year. I know when I can expect my street to be paved, where to look to see a SpaceX rocket pop up above the horizon, and where the sun will set throughout the year. There’s a comfort in knowing what to expect. Just ask anyone with money in the stock market right now. Another benefit of predictability is that when something unpredictable happens, you notice it right away.

This year, when the yard woke up from its winter nap and the plants, both wanted and unwanted, sprouted, I noticed something unusual. Something has been eating one of the weeds that is prolific around here and the Nasturtium that we planted several years ago because it repels insects. I’ve never seen anything go to town on either one of those plants. It must be something new to my yard, but what could it be? The last time we had a new bug was when those fucking aedes aegyptai mosquitos arrived.

I’ve been at war from April through October for the past five years, but I’ve been on this land five times longer than that, so I know how to defend it, and I’m prepared to do so.

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I had to find places to put everything, the largest being a big wooden rocking chair that my kid brought home with the intention of refinishing. It’s been out there for going on two years, and I’m sick of it being in the way, so I cleaned out the shed to make room for it in there. Cleaning out the shed was a project unto itself. I got so involved that I forgot why I started cleaning it out in the first place and that I needed to make space for the chair.

We hardly got any rain this winter, so the ground is already too hard to pull out the weeds. I got them all, though. And there was, oh, so much laundry to do after Bonnie and I had both been gone for a week.

We ate dinner with both kids as a family on the back patio. We haven’t done that since the last time the table was clear before the pumpkin. After dinner, Bonnie and I went to Dairy Queen. We invited the kids, but they weren’t interested. Dairy Queen was a fucking scene. There was a Muslim woman and her teenage daughter and younger children ordering when we arrived, and behind them was a line of 6 other parties. The Muslim family was using a coupon on their phone or something, and the clerk was having trouble honoring it. I’m not entirely sure what the problem was, but it held up the line for several minutes. Then, just about every part of their order got fucked up and had to be remade.

Everyone else in the store seemed to have a severe neurological disorder. They all walked, talked, and moved very strangely. It looked like a scene out of a mental hospital. It was kind of freaky that everyone was walking like newborn deer, and they all met up at DQ at the same time. I wonder if all Dairy Queens are like that or if we caught it on a weird night. We’re not DQ regulars, so I don’t know what goes on there normally.

I went for a walk tonight to try to counteract the ice cream and to try to find a pic for today’s post. I really liked the lighting on this old church building tonight. It used to be a Christian church, but now it’s a Hindu Community Center. I think that’s funny. It’s like when a mom and pop take over a restaurant that clearly used to be a fast food chain.

I also found this cash register drawer. The job must have been a success.

And I found a sign outside a business that was putting out really good light, so I took advantage.

The post A Sunday That All Sundays Should Aspire To appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

They have been walking from one end of the beach to the other and back again for hours. I know from experience that that is one of the most miserable beaches to walk on, too. It gets tilled every day, so the sand is loose, so walking on it is like, well, walking on sand. Even the sand closer to the water line isn’t as packed as some other beaches.

To make matters worse, just a few yards behind is another ice cream vendor! How much ice cream do you expect this beach to eat this afternoon? The crazy thing is, I’ll bet the ice cream isn’t even that expensive. Not as expensive as it should be, anyway. In under ten minutes, everyone on this beach could walk over to the pier, where there are literally a dozen little restaurants with take-out windows that all serve ice cream.

These ice cream vendors should be charging a steep premium to any of these lazy assholes that can’t be bothered to go get their ice cream, but you know they wouldn’t pay $20 for an ice cream bar that was delivered to them on the beach.

Grinding and hustling to provide people with the convenience of having junk food delivered to them while they lounge on the sand has got to be a uniquely American thing. Maybe one day, they’ll sell enough ice cream to buy a boat, and then they can go out there and sell the floating class booze…and ice cream.

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Her videos aren’t funny, creative, or even interesting. Hell, I’ve yet to see one where the audio and video were accurately synced. Most of her videos are either overexposed or the lighting blows out the image. She makes videos like the silent films from a hundred years ago. She and her boyfriend will lip-sync their lines without audio and then caption the dialogue. Is that what people want to see in 2025? Maybe I’m just too old.

The post April 3, 2025 appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

The flip side is that nothing in this condo is mine. At home, my office is a recliner and a rolling metal table. I can spend the whole day working on my computer in perfect comfort. At the condo, though, nothing is comfortable. The furniture was made to look nice, not be comfortable. I can work at the dining table for a day, but more than that, my back begins to protest.

So, today, I realized that while I can’t be as comfortable as I am at home, I can save my back some pain by simply rearranging the furniture, and that’s what I did. I spent the whole day editing, and my back could keep going until sunrise. My eyeballs, on the other hand, are done for the day.

The post My Ability To Adapt Makes Me A Danger To My Enemies And An Asset To My Allies appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

The post Is It Just Me, Or Does That Look Ominous? appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

Btw, here’s a dick joke for ya.

The post That’s A Penis! appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

So, if x represents farting and y represents barfing, we get the following equation:

x•(-y)

The solution of which is:

-xy

Now, I’m no mathematician, but that looks generally negative, so I’m going to say that fartbarfing is, at the very least, not always fun, though I would argue that it’s probably never fun due to the inclusion of the barfing.

Class dismissed.

The post Is It, Though? appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

Tonight, I would have just gone to bed and dealt with the cravings in the morning, but Bonnie was also hungry, so I went out. Mine was the only car in the drive-through. The only thing I had to wait for was my food to cook. I didn’t have to wait for anyone else to place or receive their orders. I can’t think of another time that’s happened to me.

While I was waiting, I noticed a giant spider out of the corner of my eye. It was crawling toward me, and I damn near broke my neck as I whipped my head around to see what was about to attack but realized that it was a tiny spider that was casting a really big shadow from the fluorescent lights above the car. I tried to use my receipt to catch it, but it hid from me in the gap between the windshield and trim.

I texted a picture of the spider to Bonnie, and she was aghast that there was a spider living in her car. She said that it must be because she’s always shit-talking that laminated-faced CEO when she sends Marco Polo’s while she’s driving. “There’s software installed in the car that opens the spider compartment?” I asked. She confirmed that there was.

Bored with the spider, I turned my attention to the screen in front of me. Apparently, my stupid space car thought the drive-through window was a truck.

Clearly, it was not.

Stupid space car.

When I got home…

…I pounded my burger.

I’ve been eating gluten occasionally for the past year or so because it doesn’t seem to affect me anymore, but I’m not 100% convinced. I didn’t feel great after eating my burger tonight, but that could just be because I ate a giant cheeseburger at 10:30 at night.

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