It’s a house in Riverside, CA.

It would be such an epic prank to pick up the trunk and deliver it to that address. Surely, the current residents would try to dispose of it, but how great would it be if they got rid of it and it turned up at their house again, and again, and again?

In 2013, we had a garage sale, and our neighbors, whom we had recently become friendly with, came over to see what we were selling. Their daughter picked up a creepy-looking doll, but despite our encouraging them to take it, they refused.

They went home, and we noticed that they had left their garage door open, so we snuck across the street and placed the doll in their garage refrigerator. Then, we went back home and waited with giddy anticipation for them to discover the doll and retaliate. We had started what we hoped would be a year-long prank wherein we would each discreetly hide the doll in each other’s houses like a perpetual game of elf-on-the-shelf, but it went nowhere.

They found the doll in their refrigerator and didn’t react at all. It was such a letdown. This trunk thing would end similarly because humor in America died long ago.

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Someone on Craigslist is giving this leopard print carpet away for free. Now, if I were trying to unload this carpet, I would get the dogs out of the picture that I was using to try to entice someone to come and tear up and haul away my carpet for free.

I see two dogs walking around on the carpet, and I immediately think there are most likely dog pee spots somewhere on this carpet. There’s a chance that the dogs are trained, though, so maybe it’s not so bad.

But then, I see the Bissell Green Machine in the upper right corner, and any doubts are instantly dissolved. That carpet is soaked with piss. You can smell it from the street. I suppose, in a way, that’s truth in advertising.

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Free Harassment Training On Craigslist

At the top of the list, this morning was a Craigslist post that would fall neatly into the latter category. It was a simple post titled “ICE Hotline,” and the description just said, “Report the illegals.” There were two pictures in the ad: one of the ICE seal and another with ICE contact information. I’m not sure what the point of the ad was. Probably just to make the poster feel smug and sanctimonious.

Nothin’ Fer Nothin’

When I checked in later this evening, I saw a picture of a box fan sitting on four air filters. The ad was titled “Smoke Filter.” The description only said, “Free instructions to make very effective, hi volume filter for you home,” Why not just put the instructions in the ad? Why make it a whole thing where I have to reach out to you? Why not just fuck off and not bother making a Craigslist ad that no one is going to see anyway? Make a video and post it to TikTok or YouTube and let people who are looking for instructions for making an air filter find it.

Btw, I fully grasp the irony of me saying, “Why not just fuck off and not bother making an ad no one is going to see anyway?” while writing a blog post no one is going to see. I’m not pretending to be helpful, though.

“Get A Bucket And A Mop For That…”

These two Craigslist ads came on the heels of an ad I saw earlier this week. It’s a photo of a guy, standing in a bathroom holding a mop handle. The description reads, “I am a great home cleaner and go through a lot of mops. I switch to a new mop and have no need for this one.”

At first glance, it seems like a post about a mop handle. Weird, sure, but almost everything that people are giving away on Craigslist is weird. When you examine the picture a little more closely, however, you can see his cock bulging through his shorts. You can actually see the outline of his German army helmet and everything. The internet is a weird place.

I Didn’t Spend My Whole Day On Craigslist, Though

I painted the wall in my garage today. Most of the day was spent sanding the cabinets, drawers, and walls in my garage with the door closed because I didn’t want to deal with the wind blowing for the I-don’t-know-how-manyith-consecutive-day. It was a poor choice that I will pay for with my lungs when I’m older.

Today was the first day since I started this ridiculous garage remodeling project that I didn’t want to be out there. I just didn’t want to work on it anymore. I’m sick of it. The thought of sanding all of those drawers made me want to just put everything back and call it good enough. I persevered, and as usually happens, I discovered that it wasn’t as bad as I had built it up in my mind. It was actually really easy and went super quickly.

All my prep work is done, and all that is left is to paint everything. So, before I called it a day, I threw a coat of primer on the walls. I was hoping that seeing the plywood painted white would give me the burst of inspiration and motivation I needed to drive this project home. It didn’t. It looks like shit. The primer drew all of the lignans out of the wood, so the whole wall looks like a nursing home mattress, or maybe one you might find on the Craigslist free section. It will look better after I paint it… I hope.

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