Since I was going to be in the garage all afternoon, I figured I might as well let anyone interested in buying my unwanted shit an opportunity to come take it off my hands, so I posted an ad on Craigslist advertising a Friday Afternoon Garage Sale. No one came. I received a message from someone asking how much I wanted for the planer, but he didn’t reply to my response.

So, I didn’t sell anything, but I built some shelves, and I used some wood that I’ve just been storing for years, freed up some space, and created more, so the day wasn’t a total waste.

The post I Built A Shelf Today appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

The post We’re Having A Garage Sale! appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

I thought she gave it to Bonnie, knowing how much she loves that stupid fucking movie, but today I learned the real story. She, my kid, and his girlfriend were outside at his girlfriend’s car when she pulled the painting out of her trunk and Bonnie called dibs on it. My kid defended her dibs, so his girlfriend surrendered the painting to Bonnie. I told her that was a dick move, and she agreed, unrepentantly.

I had intended to frame it and hang it somewhere, but it was low on my list of priorities both because of have so many other things to do, and because I hate that stupid fucking movie. It bothers me that they both cheat on each other with Tim Curry. Weak, disloyal, fucks.

After hearing the story of how Bonnie acquired the painting today, and knowing that my kid’s girlfriend has been in my garage many times since then and had no doubt seen it just leaning against the wall, I thought I should at least hang it up, so that’s what I did today.

The post My Wife Is An Art Thief appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

The Piglet

So, I went to work on the video, and a few hours later, I got my first text. They were “interested” in the bandsaw. It could tell immediately that it was a scammer because he was texting me from an email address, but I played along. Our exchange went as follows:

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
16″ Lobo Bandsaw. $250
Still available

Me:
It’s available

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
I believe it’s in a great condition?

Me:
It is

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
I’m okay with the price, I’m under medication and I’m not allowed to move around, please let me know if you accept a check payment?
And we’ll wait till it clears the bank before the pick up will take place, please let me know if this works for you?

Me:
A check? Are you calling from 1985? When you get back to 2025 give me a call and we’ll talk. Maybe by then you’ll be off your meds, able to move around and in a condition to operate a bandsaw.

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
Your a bastard

Me:
*you’re

benjamin_j001@outlook.com:
You stupid piglet
Bastard dummy

Bonnie thought “Bastard dummy” was really funny. The scammers usually pounce on new listings, so hopefully I’ve cleared them all out, now.

The Pig

This afternoon, Bonnie’s mom – who is, incidentally, the most disgusting person I know – poured olive oil into the tray beneath the water dispenser in the refrigerator. Don’t worry, there’s video so you can see exactly what I mean. She wasn’t even at the fridge, she was on the other side of the kitchen making a sandwich when she suddenly decided that she needed to oil the fridge. She has the piece of bread in her hand the whole time. I let most of the weird and disgusting shit she does fly because it’s not worth the fight and it won’t change anything. I couldn’t let this one slide, though, I had to know what she was up to. So, I went into the kitchen and asked her why she poured olive oil in the fridge.

She thought the olive oil was vinegar, and vinegar will break up the lime scale. She told me this as if I know nothing about cleaning chemistry. I walked over to the sink to wash my bowl, and she pulled the napkin that I had just thrown away, out of the trash and used it to sop up the oil she poured all over the fridge. This is the shit that nobody sees. This is the shit that nobody understands. It’s like having a 250-pound toddler that is totally incapable of learning anything.

People will say that I’m unreasonable because she’s old and her brain is rotting, but she’s always been like this. She used to use a broom to sweep the carpet instead of using the Kirby vacuum that she paid $1,200 for. One day, I walked past the living room and saw her sweeping the carpet – the same carpet that my kids play on – and I lost it. It wasn’t just that she was sweeping the carpet, but that she had gone out to the garage and got the broom that I had just used a few hours earlier to sweep up rat shit in the shed out back. This was twenty years ago. She’s always been like this.

The Prestige

After the whole olive oil incident, I thought it would be nice to get out of the house for a bit. It was a beautiful day if not a little chilly. As I was walking along the arroyo, I heard a scuffle in the water. Two birds were entangled in either love or war, I couldn’t tell which. I watched them until the fight came to an abrupt end, but I couldn’t believe what I had just seen. One of the birds disappeared. It just vanished. I have no idea where it went. I went back and watched and rewatched the video over and over again, and I can’t see where the bird went.

So, yeah, it was a weird fucking day. I suppose it makes up for yesterday’s lack of anything interesting.

The post Well That Was A Weird Day appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

You can imagine my interest in expanding my menu, hence the sopes yesterday. The thing is, though, I’m also trying to avoid a whole bunch of time spent cooking. When I’m in the mood to cook, I don’t mind spending hours in the kitchen, but I’m not in the mood to cook every single day. So, I’ve been on the look out for foods that meet my dietary criteria, and can also be prepared in half an hour or less.

Bonnie and I both love this noodle recipe that I’ve been making for a couple of years. I think I wrote about it a few weeks ago – – yep, I did. I have to be in the mood to make it, though, because it takes so much time. The other thing is that I started making it because I wanted ramen, but it’s not ramen. I use Barilla gluten-free fettuccine. It’s just not the same. So, while I was walking through the store yesterday, I had an idea. What if I added a can of mixed veggies to a box of rice noodles?

The result was something closer to ramen, but there is much room for improvement. Had my local grocery store sold gluten-free ramen, I would have bought it, but rice noodles were the closest thing they had, and they weren’t great. The flavor was good, but it will take a few tries to perfect it. I seasoned the dish with salt, pepper, and garlic sauce, and I chopped up a green onion on top.

I’m going to order gluten-free ramen online, and try it again because the noodles were definitely the weakest link in this recipe.

In Other News

I made a bracket to hold this little stool, so that it has a place to live, and isn’t always leaning against something and falling over.

The post Gluten-Free Ramen Hack appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

I sat down on my front porch to drink a cup of tea this morning, and the neighborhood was dead silent save for the mariachi music coming from the house across the street. It was a reasonable volume, though, so it didn’t detract from the morning’s ambiance.

That’s Enough With The Ambiance, Get To Work

There are two types of weather during which I most enjoy puttering in the garage: When it’s pouring rain outside and on beautiful, mild days like today. So, I spent the day cleaning up the mess out there. Apart from a few larger items, everything has a home now. I even came up with a clever spot for my roll of butcher paper that keeps it out of the way while still being accessible. In the process, I busted my thumb.

I was trimming a piece of plywood when the table saw kicked the wood back at me. I thought maybe it was broken at first, but I don’t think so now. The worst part about a hand injury is the days of not being able to fully use your hand afterward. I’m just glad this time it wasn’t an open wound. Those always make working harder when you’re trying not to get dirt and sawdust in it while trying not to bleed on everything.

Where Did That Scar Come From?

I will likely forget about my injury before long, but I know I will remember how beautiful today was for a long time to come. I hurt myself all the time, but days like today are few and very far between. I know that’s what makes them so special, but I refuse to believe I need a month of hurricane-force wind, wildfire, cold, heat, or rain to appreciate a day like today. Days like today stand on their own.

We capped this beautiful day with a delectable dinner of chicken piccata that Bonnie made. We ate al fresco to savor as much of this glorious day as we could. In a few days, the weather will turn to rain. In a few months, it will warm up, and the goddamned fucking mosquitos will besiege the yard and force us to sequester ourselves indoors until November. Then, the wind will return. Bad weather is as reliable as a good friend, but fair weather is no-nonsense shylock. You fuck with him, and he’ll break your fuckin’ thumb.

The post I’ll Be Able To Predict The Weather With My Thumb, Now appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

The whole scene encapsulated the current state of people in America. Overweight, physically and mentally unwell, blaming others for their problems regardelss of whether they’re deserving or not, and sitting in a rut sobbing and trauma dumping instead of doing something productive.

Arlene

I don’t know how to help these people. And what if I did help her. She is one of millions of people who need help. I think about that everytime I see Arlene. Arlene lives on the bike path that runs through my town. She used to live at the train station, but she was evicted, so she moved to the adjacent bike path. She smokes meth and then walks around yelling and screaming into the ether. If you listen closely, sometimes she’s yelling about you. Everytime I ride past her I feel a slight sense of guilt that I’m not doing anything to help this woman who so clearly needs help. What, though? How can I help her? Give her money? Clothes? Blankets? Food? None of that will solve her problems, and I don’t have the skillset needed to fix a broken woman like Arlene.

Likewise, I’m not going to help you fix your car. Not because I don’t want to – well, that’s not true, I don’t want to – but because I’m not a mechanic. So instead, I focus on what I can do. I focus on my strengths. I think that’s all anyone can/should do. Focus on your strengths and become a little stronger everyday.

Doing What I Can

So, I walked away from the sobbing woman and went back home to finish my workbench. Now, every one of my tools has a place and every tool is in it. It’s such a thrill to have everything within arms reach and to have space to work. By organizing my stuff and by extension, my life, I will be better able to help others using my strengths. Or at least, that’s the conclusion I’ve come to to be able to tie today’s picture to the story about the only interesting thing that happened to me today.

The post They Messed Everything Up! appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

I have a plan for at least one shelf, maybe two, but they won’t be big enough for all of my toolboxes that used to live underneath my big work table.

Some of them will be leaving the shop, but most of them are staying. I have found places for them to live temporarily, but a more permanent solution will have to be found later,

I already feel more at peace with the order and organization in my garage. Much of that is because it’s easier and more pleasurable to work out there. I have a solid bench to work off of, and my tools are easily accessible. Plus, as I clean up and put things away, it’s easier to move around, too.

At no point during this project have I needed to dip into the collection of tools, fasteners, and all of the shit that I’ve already culled, which only further proves that I don’t need any of it. So, why, then, have I been hanging on to it for so long?

I’ve been working out of the little toolbox I assembled at the beginning of this endeavor, and it has worked out surprisingly well.

I do prefer to work out of the rollaway when I’m in the shop, but I suppose I can get used to working out of a little toolbox. As long as there is a place for everything and everything is in its place, I can deal with the slight inconvenience of opening a toolbox. It’s still more convenient than not being able to find what I need hidden in a mess of useless junk.

The post The Home Stretch appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

Now, it’s time for the hard part: finding places to put all of the shit scattered all over the garage.

The post It’s Done! Not Really… appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.

Now, I don’t know what to do. What do you think? Should I leave them or paint them?

I’m not going to do anything with it right away. This garage makeover has dragged on for way too long already. I want to get the garage put back together and cleaned up so I can move on to other things. Had I known, when I went through that first drawer three weeks ago, that this project would drag on this long, I never would have started it. But, then, that’s why nothing ever gets done around here and why the shit pile (both literal and metaphorical) keeps getting bigger.

The post Perseverence In The Face Of Waning Enthusiasm appeared first on Retro Active Lifestyle.