I didn’t go back to eating my fill of bread, pizza, and pasta, but I wasn’t as picky about what I ate either. I think I went too far, though. In the past week, I’ve eaten six double cheeseburgers, a brisket sandwich on a French roll, and a pepperoni and sausage pizza. That’s a terrible fucking diet, I know, but I don’t eat like that all the time. I’ve just been really busy for the past week and haven’t had time to eat conscientiously. Well, it caught up to me.

The aforementioned pizza was today’s dinner. I ate two of these pizzas a couple of weeks ago with no noticeable effects, but within minutes of finishing this one, I felt the telltale pain in the middle of my stomach that always accompanied gluten back before I knew I had a gluten intolerance. I haven’t felt that pain in years. Besides the pain, which subsided after a little while, I have felt like shit ever since.

I’m glad this happened. I don’t like feeling ill, but I do like knowing what my limits are. This whole journey I’ve been on for the past five years to figure out what it is that’s caused me to feel awful my whole adult life has been a bit like feeling my way around a maze in the dark. So, having a reaction to gluten after a year of no reactions is good. It’s like the shape of the maze is a little clearer now. The bummer part is that now it’s back to a totally gluten-free diet, which is such a pain in the ass.

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I wanted to find the best substitute for eggs in brownies, so naturally, I turned to the internet. The first result was Google’s AI overview, which said I could sub in 1/4 cup of apple sauce for each egg. I happened to have little 1/2 cup containers of applesauce on hand, so that was the easiest solution. Aside from cooling down the butter and making the batter a little stiff at first, nothing seemed off with the applesauce.

It wasn’t until I checked my brownies when the timer went off after 40 minutes in the oven that I became concerned. They jiggled like quicksand when I pulled the rack out. My brownies were still liquid after 40 minutes! I put them back in for another ten minutes and then another ten minutes, but things were only getting worse. Now, instead of looking like quicksand, the batter had fallen like a souffle, and all of the water from the applesauce was boiling on the surface. The brownies were oddly simultaneously raw and burnt.

So, no brownies for me tonight. Maybe never again. I can’t afford to experiment with $9 boxes of brownie mix. I guess I paid $9 to learn that you can’t trust AI. What would AI know about cooking anyway?

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Now, you might be thinking that I’m feeling nostalgic for my childhood and those simpler days, but I’m not. I like knowing well in advance what the weather will be like on a given day. It allows me to plan my week. On Monday I installed and waterproofed all of the electrical around the firepit. I did my grocery shopping yesterday, so that I wouldn’t have to go out today or tomorrow. I also took some time yesterday to bring anything inside that might be damaged by rain. So, that freed up today to be an inside day. I had planned to do taxes today, but I got far enough with them last night to be sufficiently depressed for a good long while, so today was all about editing.

I haven’t spent a whole day editing in months, and today was no different. While I got some editing done, I also spent a good chunk of my afternoon cooking. I made noodles for lunch, and then baked a loaf of gluten-free, almost vegan banana bread. It was almost vegan because I tried to find a gluten-free recipe that didn’t call for eggs, not even thinking about the fact that the whole recipe would be vegan, but I didn’t want to bother with vegan butter, so I used real butter. Otherwise, I followed the recipe’s instructions. So, now I have a great big, beautiful, gluten and egg-free loaf of chocolate chip banana bread.

It was actually really tasty! Beginner’s luck?

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You can imagine my interest in expanding my menu, hence the sopes yesterday. The thing is, though, I’m also trying to avoid a whole bunch of time spent cooking. When I’m in the mood to cook, I don’t mind spending hours in the kitchen, but I’m not in the mood to cook every single day. So, I’ve been on the look out for foods that meet my dietary criteria, and can also be prepared in half an hour or less.

Bonnie and I both love this noodle recipe that I’ve been making for a couple of years. I think I wrote about it a few weeks ago – – yep, I did. I have to be in the mood to make it, though, because it takes so much time. The other thing is that I started making it because I wanted ramen, but it’s not ramen. I use Barilla gluten-free fettuccine. It’s just not the same. So, while I was walking through the store yesterday, I had an idea. What if I added a can of mixed veggies to a box of rice noodles?

The result was something closer to ramen, but there is much room for improvement. Had my local grocery store sold gluten-free ramen, I would have bought it, but rice noodles were the closest thing they had, and they weren’t great. The flavor was good, but it will take a few tries to perfect it. I seasoned the dish with salt, pepper, and garlic sauce, and I chopped up a green onion on top.

I’m going to order gluten-free ramen online, and try it again because the noodles were definitely the weakest link in this recipe.

In Other News

I made a bracket to hold this little stool, so that it has a place to live, and isn’t always leaning against something and falling over.

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I saw a DJ Petesake video on YouTube in which he buys a package of sopes, and I thought they might be a nice change from the corn tortillas I eat nearly every day. So, I went to the store today and bought some.

I filled them with black beans and hominy. Whenever I cook black beans, I always cook them the same way. I sauté a red onion for 5 minutes, then I add about eight cloves of garlic. As soon as I can smell the garlic, I dump in a can of black beans with 1/2 a teaspoon each of cumin and ancho chili powder. Then, I let it all simmer for a few minutes. Tonight, though, I added a diced jalepeño to the onions when I sauteed them, and then I added a can of hominy when I added the black beans.

I fried the sopes in olive oil for about 2 – 3 minutes on each side. Then, I filled them with the beans and hominy. I topped them with crema, queso fresco, salsa, and a squeeze of lime. I should have salted either the sopes, or the beans, but I forgot.

After dinner, I decided to try making dessert sopes. I fried two sopes, sprinkled them with sugar and cinnamon, dropped a big ol’ glob of whipped cream in each one. OMG They were like churros only better!

So, here’s the recipe:

Serving Size:

4

Time:

20 minutes

Difficulty:

Super easy

Ingredients

• 1 Package Sopes
• 1 Can Black Beans
• 1 Can Hominy
• 1 Red Onion
• 1 Jalepeño
• Garlic
• Crema
• Queso Fresco
• Lime
• Salsa
• Ancho Chili Powder
• Cumin

Directions

1. Dice onion, garlic, and jalepeño.
2. Heat oil in large skillet.
3. Sauté onion and jalapeño for 5 minutes.
4. Add garlic.
5. When you can smell the garlic, add beans and hominy.
6. Simmer until everything is hot.
7. Heat an inch of oil in a skillet.
8. When oil is hot, add one or two sopes. Fry 2 – 3 minutes on each side on medium heat.
9. Remove sopes from oil and place on paper towel lined plate.
10. Fill sopes with beans and hominy, top with crema, lime juice, salsa, and queso fresco.
11. Fill your gullet!

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Bonnie made gluten-free cinnamon rolls from scratch this morning. They were good, but the recipe has room for improvement. I look forward to being a taste tester.

I set up a camera to watch the hummingbird that nested in our patio cover today. She looks very proud in this pic.

I’ve never seen a bird sleeping before. She looks so peaceful.

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Skinny Man Roll Sunday was a weekly tradition that Bonnie and I observed for I don’t even know how long. We looked forward to it every week. Even the dog got excited on Sunday mornings.

Every Sunday, we would ride our bikes to our local doughnut shop to buy cinnamon rolls. They made everything in-house, so it was always fresh, and it was always dee-lish. They had two sizes of cinnamon rolls, but for some reason, the smaller ones had raisins in them, but the larger ones didn’t.

But They Have Raisins!

Every Sunday, we each ordered a small cinnamon roll, and the clerk would flip out and issue us an emphatic warning that they had raisins in them. It was so over the top, one might think we were taking a chance with our lives by eating cinnamon rolls with raisins in them. It was the sort of reaction you would expect from the waiter if you ordered puffer fish. We could never figure out why he made such a big deal about the raisins. Why not just make them without raisins if they’re such a problem?

By the time we got back home, the dog would be absolutely out of his mind with anticipation. After we parked our bikes, we plated our cinnamon rolls, grabbed forks, and headed out to the front porch. We ate our cinnamon rolls and watched the people go by. Bonnie would feed her raisins to the dog.

So, Why Did Skinny Man Roll Sunday Stop?

I’m not sure why Skinny Man Roll Sunday stopped. It was probably a combination of bad weather, money, and not wanting to die of congestive heart failure before we turned 40. Whatever the reason, it would have ended in 2020 anyway, if not because of COVID, then because I figured out I can’t tolerate gluten.

I gave up any kind of baked goods for years because gluten-free anything was so bad. In the past year or two, however, gluten-free has really stepped up its game. Either that or it’s been so long since I’ve eaten baked goods with gluten in them that I’ve forgotten what they taste like. Whichever the case, gluten-free is good now, so Bonnie has been making a scrumptious gluten-free coffee cake on Sunday mornings. I would prefer a cinnamon roll to coffee cake, but Skinny Man Roll Sunday is really about sitting out front, taking in the morning air, and watching the people go by. The dessert you eat for breakfast isn’t all that important.

The weather has been absolutely beautiful the past few Sundays, which is what led to the resurgence of Skinny Man Roll Sunday. We sit outside with the stupid dog who barks at anything that moves, and we eat our gluten-free coffee cake. For a brief moment, all is right with the world.

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Full disclosure: If you’re looking for a recipe to learn how to make the ultimate gluten-free brownie totally from scratch by blending a variety of hella expensive gluten-free flours, this ain’t it. The good folks at King Arthur have already figured out the perfect blend of flour, and I can’t imagine improving upon it. I understand if you’re a purist, but come on, haven’t you sacrificed enough by not being able to eat gluten?

Besides, the only part of the recipe that comes premixed is the flour. You still need eggs, water, butter, chocolate chips, nuts, and whatever else you want in your ultimate gluten-free brownies. That’s almost from scratch.

It’s a hell of a lot scratchier than the brownies I used to make when I was a kid, that’s for sure. They came in a box with a paper tray that you pour the mix into. Then, you stirred in water, popped the paper tray into the microwave, and voila! you had “brownies.”

Alright, Let’s Learn How To Make The Ultimate Gluten-Free Brownie

The Best Gluten-Free Brownies Ever!

Serving Size:

16

Time:

1 hour

Difficulty:

Super Easy

Ingredients

• 1 Box King Arthur Gluten-Free Ultimate Fudge Brownie Mix
• 1 Stick of Butter (1/2 Cup)
• 2 Eggs
• 2 Tablespoons Water
• 1 Cup GHIRARDELLI 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate Premium Baking Chips

Directions

1. This recipe calls for melting a whole stick of butter, but before I melt it, I like to use it to grease the pan. You can use a light or dark metal pan or a glass pan. I’ve only used a dark metal pan because that’s all I have, and these brownies are to die for, so why try to improve on perfection? I prefer an 8″ x 8″ pan because it makes the brownies thicker than a 9″ x 9″ pan. Liberally apply butter to the bottom and all four sides of the pan, and then set the pan aside.
2. Melt the butter. I put the butter in my mixing bowl and microwave it for 45 seconds to 1 minute.
3. Whisk the butter, two eggs, and two tablespoons of water until blended.
4. Mix in the King Arthur Gluten-Free-Ultimate Fudge Brownie Mix until the batter is smooth and creamy and there are no lumps or dry powder left in the bowl. Don’t use the whisk for this step; you’ll never get all of the batter out of it. Use a spoon or spatula.
5. Mix in 1 Cup of Ghirardelli 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate Premium Baking Chips. Obviously, if you like nuts or anything else in your brownies, you can add them here. I just came around to liking nuts in my brownies a few years ago, and then I developed a nut allergy.
6. Pour the batter into the greased baking pan.
7. Bake at 325º for about 50 minutes. The directions say to bake it for 40 – 45 minutes, but I’ve tried that, but they always need at least five more minutes. Of course, your oven, pan, and altitude are going to affect how long it takes to cook, so start on the low end and check on them.
8. Take them out of the oven and let them cool for at least 15 minutes. I like to let them cool completely because I think they taste better that way.
9. Enjoy!

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Just ask someone, anyone, before you send it to the printers. You can say, “Hey, what do you think about this picture that’s going to be displayed in the window of every one of our stores?” Or, “Does this look like a giant poop emoji to you?” You could even come straight out and ask, “Does like look like an artfully filled bowl of shit?”

My real gripe is that the peppermint fudge brownie isn’t gluten-free. Are there actual brownies blended up in the yogurt? No, of course, not, they could have left out the gluten. Fuckers.

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